New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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