It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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