If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
