Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
