i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize