How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
