whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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