then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
