there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
