im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
