Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
