Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
