I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
