I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
