If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
