K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
