Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
