just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
