Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
