He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
