Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
