thus making me awesome and them whores
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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