so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
