I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize