all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
