A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
