does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize