dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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