Don't you send me to vm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
