I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
