it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I touched a dick in church today
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
