im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
