I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
