The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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