Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
