90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I did not marry a roomba.
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