How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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