Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I am morally bankrupt
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
