i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
