her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
