well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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