I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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