Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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