Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
