she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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