All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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