It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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