no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
