Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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