I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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