broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
