i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
