She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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