hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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