I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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