I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
