He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
