my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
