apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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