He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
