well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
