miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
