This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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