I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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