Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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