Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
