I want to make a zoo with you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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