I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
