We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
